holiday crunch time

Hope everyone had the most lovely holiday! Mine was pretty hectic. My cute mom got out of rehab for her broken hip, so I spent the week helping her transition. We went to the doctor's, met with her nurse and physical therapist, filled her prescriptions, and filled out a bunch of medical paperwork (ugh, why is our healthcare system so effed?). Mom still needs a lot of assistance walking and doing simple tasks, so I did about a zillion other errands, like filling her fridge and cooking a bunch of food. We also carved in time to watch the new Star Wars movie, visit dad's grave, and go to the Asian grocery store in Cary (bonus: I got to eat my favorite zongzi breakfast on Christmas morning, pictured above). Phew! It's not easy, especially since I'm still dealing with some pregnancy fatigue.

The other week, a sweet friend asked if I felt any resentment for having to help out. I've been thinking about her question, and I'd be lying if I said I was doing it all with pleasure and grace; it's exhausting and, at times, overwhelming. But it's part of life, and I know these challenges have taught me so much and given me strength. I think, in a way, it's also one of the reasons that I feel ready for motherhood. Because I know, from experience, that I can handle the big things: be responsible (and sacrifice) for another person, deal with a life crisis/emergency, ask for help when I need it, and let go of things out of my control.

rincon girls' trip

One of the best lessons I've learned from surfing is that, for me, it's not about being the best. But, rather, it's about the fun and amazing friends you make along the way. Last week's girls' trip to Rincon was the perfect example! We met Mariana on a trip to El Salvador, reconnected in Figure Eight, and she graciously invited us to her little piece of paradise in Rincon, Puerto Rico.

It was such a relaxing trip. We surfed every day, except for one delightful lounge-about Monday, where I napped for three hours. The waves were small but fun, which was ideal for my second-trimester belly, which I swear grew like crazy over the course of the week. We surfed Jobos and Domes, but our favorite was the less-crowded Parking Lots, where we made friends with hilarious (and apparently legendary) old-dude long boarders. They were so graceful to watch.



But the best part was all the quality girlfriend time. Mariana has a six-year-old daughter, Liliana, who is the cutest and sweetest, with just the right amount of badass. She made me so excited to have a little girl of my own! And Mariana is such an inspiration of a mom. She's so loving and laid-back, still surfs regularly, and makes it all look like such a joy.

Every morning, we'd make breakfast and chat, and then head out for a surf-beach day. In the late afternoon, we'd come back and lounge around, or go to a poolside bar, splash around, and feast on fried things. In the evening, we'd head out to a delicious restaurant, and then come home and curl up with a movie or grab a drink (well, non-alcoholic for me). It was the perfect trip with the perfect friends. So lucky to have such incredible women in my life!

first trimester recap

You guys! We made it out of the first trimester. I'm breathing a huge sigh of relief. No one really tells you this, but the first 13 weeks are wrought with is-the-baby-gonna-make-it anxiety. Since I'm old and my pregnancy is classified as higher-risk, it's easy to fall down the Google rabbit hole of miscarriage and disease statistics. So I walked this weird line of feeling thrilled, but not too thrilled, just in case. It didn't help that I was a swirl of pregnancy hormones and felt painful growing cramps, which put me in a mild panic. In a nutshell, the first trimester was CRAZY, YO. Here are some things that I experienced…

1. Extreme exhaustion. Two things happened the week we found out we were pregnant: (a) We left for a 12-day trip to Cuba. (b) My mom fell, broke her hip, and had to go to the hospital. So I pretty much white-knuckled life the first two months, flying back and forth to NC while juggling work and doctor's appointments. I powered through, but it wasn't pretty. The pregnancy exhaustion was overwhelming; I was (and still am) averaging around 9 to 11 hours of sleep a night, often with a nap in the afternoon. I'm still accepting that I'm can't keep up with my jam-packed life.

2. An emotional roller coaster. For me, pregnancy is filled with highs and lows: Fear. Elation. Nervousness. Feeling overwhelmed. Pride. Happiness. Love. It's also insane that you're not encouraged to share the news during the first trimester. I wound up telling a handful of people early on, those I'd turn to if something did go wrong, and my surf friends, in case something happened in the water. But it was weird trying to hide something so monumental; I'm the worst liar so I'm sure I acted sketchy.

3. Hunger. I've only experienced a few bouts of nausea (thank heavens), but my hunger is out of control. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, starving. No real cravings, but my tastes have changed. Veggies aren't appealing, but I could eat crackers and cheese for every meal. I've been having green smoothies and broccoli-cheddar soup with crackers as a compromise.

4. Heavy talks. I'm so, so thankful that Erik is the best husband, friend, partner, and dad-to-be. Because there's so much you have to decide, like what to do if the genetic tests came back positive. Would we be up for raising a special needs child for the rest of our lives, or would we abort? It's such a difficult topic, and I couldn't imagine having that conversation with anyone other than Erik.

5. A loss of control. One of the weirdest things of pregnancy is no longer really knowing your body. I mean, I spent 36 (now 37!) years learning what it did, how it reacted, etc. Then, suddenly, one day, it starts doing all these bizarre things, like feeling famished, crampy, or exhausted outta nowhere.

6. Excitement! Despite trying to temper my emotions, the whole thing is thrilling. Seeing the baby develop right before our eyes and watching Erik be so loving is more than I could have ever hoped for. I've never been one of those maternal types who couldn't wait for kids, so I was a nervous about how I'd react…would I feel resentful about the things I'd have to give up? To my surprise, it's been pretty easy passing on things, like some work projects and my favorite girls' surf trip. Instead dwelling on what I'm missing, I can't stop thinking about all the love and fun that's ahead. Plus, pregnancy's temporary, and I have my whole life to do all the things I still want to do…with my daughter by my side!