holiday crunch time

Hope everyone had the most lovely holiday! Mine was pretty hectic. My cute mom got out of rehab for her broken hip, so I spent the week helping her transition. We went to the doctor's, met with her nurse and physical therapist, filled her prescriptions, and filled out a bunch of medical paperwork (ugh, why is our healthcare system so effed?). Mom still needs a lot of assistance walking and doing simple tasks, so I did about a zillion other errands, like filling her fridge and cooking a bunch of food. We also carved in time to watch the new Star Wars movie, visit dad's grave, and go to the Asian grocery store in Cary (bonus: I got to eat my favorite zongzi breakfast on Christmas morning, pictured above). Phew! It's not easy, especially since I'm still dealing with some pregnancy fatigue.

The other week, a sweet friend asked if I felt any resentment for having to help out. I've been thinking about her question, and I'd be lying if I said I was doing it all with pleasure and grace; it's exhausting and, at times, overwhelming. But it's part of life, and I know these challenges have taught me so much and given me strength. I think, in a way, it's also one of the reasons that I feel ready for motherhood. Because I know, from experience, that I can handle the big things: be responsible (and sacrifice) for another person, deal with a life crisis/emergency, ask for help when I need it, and let go of things out of my control.

rincon girls' trip

One of the best lessons I've learned from surfing is that, for me, it's not about being the best. But, rather, it's about the fun and amazing friends you make along the way. Last week's girls' trip to Rincon was the perfect example! We met Mariana on a trip to El Salvador, reconnected in Figure Eight, and she graciously invited us to her little piece of paradise in Rincon, Puerto Rico.

It was such a relaxing trip. We surfed every day, except for one delightful lounge-about Monday, where I napped for three hours. The waves were small but fun, which was ideal for my second-trimester belly, which I swear grew like crazy over the course of the week. We surfed Jobos and Domes, but our favorite was the less-crowded Parking Lots, where we made friends with hilarious (and apparently legendary) old-dude long boarders. They were so graceful to watch.



But the best part was all the quality girlfriend time. Mariana has a six-year-old daughter, Liliana, who is the cutest and sweetest, with just the right amount of badass. She made me so excited to have a little girl of my own! And Mariana is such an inspiration of a mom. She's so loving and laid-back, still surfs regularly, and makes it all look like such a joy.

Every morning, we'd make breakfast and chat, and then head out for a surf-beach day. In the late afternoon, we'd come back and lounge around, or go to a poolside bar, splash around, and feast on fried things. In the evening, we'd head out to a delicious restaurant, and then come home and curl up with a movie or grab a drink (well, non-alcoholic for me). It was the perfect trip with the perfect friends. So lucky to have such incredible women in my life!

first trimester recap

You guys! We made it out of the first trimester. I'm breathing a huge sigh of relief. No one really tells you this, but the first 13 weeks are wrought with is-the-baby-gonna-make-it anxiety. Since I'm old and my pregnancy is classified as higher-risk, it's easy to fall down the Google rabbit hole of miscarriage and disease statistics. So I walked this weird line of feeling thrilled, but not too thrilled, just in case. It didn't help that I was a swirl of pregnancy hormones and felt painful growing cramps, which put me in a mild panic. In a nutshell, the first trimester was CRAZY, YO. Here are some things that I experienced…

1. Extreme exhaustion. Two things happened the week we found out we were pregnant: (a) We left for a 12-day trip to Cuba. (b) My mom fell, broke her hip, and had to go to the hospital. So I pretty much white-knuckled life the first two months, flying back and forth to NC while juggling work and doctor's appointments. I powered through, but it wasn't pretty. The pregnancy exhaustion was overwhelming; I was (and still am) averaging around 9 to 11 hours of sleep a night, often with a nap in the afternoon. I'm still accepting that I'm can't keep up with my jam-packed life.

2. An emotional roller coaster. For me, pregnancy is filled with highs and lows: Fear. Elation. Nervousness. Feeling overwhelmed. Pride. Happiness. Love. It's also insane that you're not encouraged to share the news during the first trimester. I wound up telling a handful of people early on, those I'd turn to if something did go wrong, and my surf friends, in case something happened in the water. But it was weird trying to hide something so monumental; I'm the worst liar so I'm sure I acted sketchy.

3. Hunger. I've only experienced a few bouts of nausea (thank heavens), but my hunger is out of control. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, starving. No real cravings, but my tastes have changed. Veggies aren't appealing, but I could eat crackers and cheese for every meal. I've been having green smoothies and broccoli-cheddar soup with crackers as a compromise.

4. Heavy talks. I'm so, so thankful that Erik is the best husband, friend, partner, and dad-to-be. Because there's so much you have to decide, like what to do if the genetic tests came back positive. Would we be up for raising a special needs child for the rest of our lives, or would we abort? It's such a difficult topic, and I couldn't imagine having that conversation with anyone other than Erik.

5. A loss of control. One of the weirdest things of pregnancy is no longer really knowing your body. I mean, I spent 36 (now 37!) years learning what it did, how it reacted, etc. Then, suddenly, one day, it starts doing all these bizarre things, like feeling famished, crampy, or exhausted outta nowhere.

6. Excitement! Despite trying to temper my emotions, the whole thing is thrilling. Seeing the baby develop right before our eyes and watching Erik be so loving is more than I could have ever hoped for. I've never been one of those maternal types who couldn't wait for kids, so I was a nervous about how I'd react…would I feel resentful about the things I'd have to give up? To my surprise, it's been pretty easy passing on things, like some work projects and my favorite girls' surf trip. Instead dwelling on what I'm missing, I can't stop thinking about all the love and fun that's ahead. Plus, pregnancy's temporary, and I have my whole life to do all the things I still want to do…with my daughter by my side!

surprise!

It's been a while, and to say a lot has happened is a major understatement. There's a little girl growing inside of me! I'm 13 weeks along. We got pregnant right away, so it was a bit of a shock; I thought I'd have a few months of trying to wrap my head around things. This whole experience has been so crazy. It blows my mind that an eternity's worth of women have all gone through it before, because it feels like such an earth-shattering, seismic shift in my world. At the very start, I kinda freaked out. There would be so many things that I'd no longer be able to do, like dash out to meet friends at a moment's notice and be irresponsible and selfish with my time. Gah! I wasn't ready! But, over these past few months, something shifted. Now I'm mainly thinking about all of the new joy that will be introduced into my life: Being a mom. Explaining the world to a new little person. Seeing Erik become the best father ever. During our last ultrasound, baby had morphed from a pea pod into an actual person. And when we saw her wave her little hand as she wiggled about, I felt it … the most powerful, unconditional, overwhelming love. Don't get me wrong, pregnancy mostly sucks and creating (and being responsible for) a life is pretty terrifying. But now I know for sure: I can't wait for this next most exciting, most rewarding adventure in my life.

summer lately

The other day, I was scrolling through my friends' fabulous vacation pictures on social media and found myself thinking, "They're doing such amazing things, while I'm being boring in the city." Then I thought: "Hold on. Check yourself before you wreck yourself." I had to remind myself that I've actually had a pretty fabulous summer so far. Even though there haven't been any two-week jaunts around the world, I've managed to fit in some rad little adventures between deadlines.


The surf has been fun this summer (#blessed), so I've averaging two or three wave-sliding sessions a week. On the weekend, the ladies and I head out to Tom's Gilgo beach paradise, where we grill hot dogs, surf fun (and sometimes big!) beach breaks, and drink pina coladas and beers with the colorful locals. And, occasionally, pose in front of priceless antique cars.

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Erik and I have also enjoyed wandering around the city. We'll feast on the best tacos ever and delicious shaved ice, along with wandering past cool murals, listening to jazz musicians in the park, and popping into charming stores. It's enough to make you fall in love with the city all over again. Not bad, summer 2015!

hiking the Hudson Valley

Last week, my friend Siv and I made plans to hit the waves over the weekend. But when Friday evening rolled around, the forecast looked depressingly flat. That evening, I suggested that we go hiking instead and she immediately said yes. (Insert heart emoji.) After a quick Google search, we decided to take the 9:43 Metro-North train up to Cold Spring, a charming small town about an hour north of the city.

There's a trailhead about 15 minutes from the station. We followed the white trail markers, and climbed up to a beautiful vista overlooking the Hudson River. On the descent, we bumped into these dudes who recommended checking out an abandoned mansion. They were cool; it was like wandering into a scene from Alice in Wonderland.

When we finished the hike, we were drenched with sweat. So we walked across the street to a park alongside the Hudson River. It felt so good to swim in the crisp, cool water. Afterwards, we feasted on a picnic lunch and made it back in time for the 5 o'clock train. What an awesome little day trip adventure! It was easy, accessible, and scenic. We definitely want to go back to do the other hikes in the area and explore the area more.

summer lately

These past few weeks, we've been dealing with some bumps in the road. At the risk of sounding cornier than usual, it's been a reminder that we only have this one life. I'm happy to report that I'm making the most of it these days! I've been stepping out of my "yes" comfort zone and saying "no" more often so that I can take time for myself. Last week, I went to North Carolina to spend time with mom. We ran errands, watched movies, and went swimming, and it was harder than usual to say good-bye at the airport. On Wednesday and Thursday, I hit up Rockaway with my buddy Jon for some fun surf, Peruvian chicken, and mural-snapping. Over the weekend, I spent some quality time with Erik and slept like crazy - just what my body and mind needed.

the influence of one

This week, I was sitting in the Rockaway lineup. It was crowded and there were a few waves rolling through, so most of the dudes were pretty serious-looking and competitive about getting on the good ones. I paddled for a wave and this voice yelled "GO FOR IT!" That encouragement powered me through, and I caught my funnest wave of the day. As I paddled back out, I saw my cheerleader: a 10-year-old fellow on a short board. We chatted for a bit, and he explained that he had been surfing for as long as he could remember. It was his birthday, and all he wanted was a video game, iPhone 6, money, and clothes. (I chuckled at that.) All the while, he hooted when sets came through and cheered when strangers flew down the line. It was rad! Slowly, there was a palpable change in the lineup: Guys were cracking smiles, shouting at each other to go, hollering at others' nose-rides, and striking up conversations. It reminded me that surfing is all about fun, and one attitude can really make a difference. Thanks, young friend, for teaching me that lesson.

weekend vibes

Summer's here and, despite the rainy, cool weather, I'm taking full advantage. I finally didn't have to write this weekend! On Friday, Monkey and I had a rare girls' night in. We posted up on the couch with snacks and watched a cute movie (Begin Again). On Saturday, I headed out to Gilgo with Sarah and Kim. Although there were no waves, we went for a long walk on the beach; rode cruisers around the neighborhood; played bocce and barbecued (all while Tom was toiling away on his house). The next day, I slept in, and surfed Rockaway in the late afternoon. Around 5:30, the crowds thinned and the winds switched offshore. The water felt soft and refreshing, and a rainbow appeared overhead before disappearing into a pink-and-purple sunset. So magical! I even got home in time to make dinner and bake a batch of oatmeal chocolate-chip cookies. Finding balance in my life is an ongoing process, and I'm making strides!

6 things

I've been up to lately…

1. Went to visit Erik's family in Northern Virginia. I'm so lucky to have in-laws that I truly love. I always wanted a sister and now, by marriage, I have five! One of Erik's sisters has a menagerie of interesting animals, including two parrots, a gecko (above!), and a crazy dinosaur-like tegu lizard.
2. Appreciating New York. There's nothing like a weekend in the 'burbs to make you appreciate your exciting city life. :)
3. Bought a new mattress. Our old one was a hand-me-down and, after tallying up the numbers, we realized that it was 20 (!!!) years old. So we scoped Sleepy's and then ordered the one we liked online for a fraction of the cost. It's like sleeping on a cloud. (Insert "A Whole New World" soundtrack.)
4. Surfing Rockaway. The waves have been fun lately, so I've been spending all my free time at the beach. I also got a locker down there, which has been a revelation. No more lugging my board on the train; hallelujah!
5. Catching up on life. After a string of trips and fill-in gigs, I finally have a stretch of staying put at home. I'm loving it! I've finally been tackling all the projects that I kept putting off: Cleaning out my closet, organizing my file cabinet, adjusting my investment portfolio, etc. Next up: Scheduling all of my checkups.
6. Having little city adventures. Of course, life isn't complete without some excitement. We've been doing fun activities, like checking out art installations, taking archery lessons, seeing the new Whitney, and going for city rambles.

oh, hey

Wait, what, I have a blog? I'm sure my only readers are Russian trawling tech-bots, but whatevs, I'm back! Let's see, where was I? I fell down a vortex of deadlines and icy bleakness (coldest winter ever!) in February and March, but have reemerged like a happy little groundhog since spring. As a whole, life is really good, doing my usual work-surf-run-friends-adventures routine. I did go to North Carolina and Montauk; and Erik and I did a impromptu trip to Stockholm. I finally lived out my dream of buying an international plane ticket days before departure; does this make me a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants person? My goal for the summer (as it is for every summer): Work less, enjoy more, and have fun!

catching up

Just when I caught up on my Spain/Portugal trip, I headed off on another flurry of travel. In the past few months, I've headed to Maui, Costa Rica (Playa Guiones), and San Diego, for both work and play. It's been fun and busy, and I know I'm beyond lucky. I need to post those adventures, but in the meantime, I'm transitioning back to everyday Brooklyn life. I took on another fun magazine fill-in gig, so I'm doing the whole office-commute thing. I'm simultaneously juggling a few other projects, which means some serious grind action over here! There's been snowstorm after snowstorm, so it's been perfect for holing up inside with my computer, cat, and deadlines. I'll check back in when my head's above water...

on love

While cleaning up, I came across this pic of us from our first year of dating, almost nine years ago. Whoa! That got me thinking about how insane it was that I happened to go to a party, bump into a cute guy, and we wind up spending the rest of our lives together. So it was synchronicity that this week's Modern Love column addressed this topic. The author writes: "Science tells us biology matters; our pheromones and hormones do a lot of work behind the scenes. But despite all of this, I've begun to think that love is a more pliable thing than we make it out to be … It's possible - simple, even - to generate trust and intimacy, the feelings love needs to thrive." This rang true for me. Of course you have to have that attraction and overlapping morals and ideals, but SO MUCH of love is about selflessness, respect, and the willingness to compromise. The catch, of course, is finding someone who is willing to put in the same amount of work into the relationship. I'm grateful that I found that someone.

polar bear plunge

What better way to ring in the new year than to jump into freezing water? My resolution (in 2015 and beyond) is to enjoy life and not let fear or obligations hold me back, which is why I said yes when my brave pal Liz asked if anyone was interested in joining her in the Coney Island Polar Bear Plunge.


I'm so happy that I did! I met up with Liz, Nick, and about a thousand other insane people at Coney Island. It was freezing, and I was glad that we pre-registered for the first wave of plungers. I don't know if it was the adrenaline or bright sunshine, but I wasn't even that chilly when I undressed. We were surrounded by people in all sorts of costumes, and everyone started chanting "U.S.A! U.S.A!" for no apparent reason. When the announcer sounded the horn, we stampeded into the surf. For the first few moments, I wasn't even cold. It was exhilarating! Then my legs felt like a million little needles were sticking in them, so we hustled back to shore.

Chalk this up to my list of once-in-a-lifetime only-in-New-York experiences. Here's to more fun, more happiness, and more crazy adventures in 2015!