pregnancy lately: 35 weeks

We're rounding the corner and headed down the homestretch! I was joking with Erik that I kind of feel like a celebrity on the street these days. Everyone does a double-take or wants to talk to me when they see my humongous belly.

How I'm feeling: This is a reality. Last week, my belly started feeling a little uncomfortable; sometimes baby will press against my spine or side. That's when it hit me: This baby is coming out of (fingers crossed) my vagina. Holy crap.

What I'm wanting: I'm trying to tie up all the loose ends. When I went into my 35-week ultrasound, the technician mentioned that she was checking my amniotic fluid levels. "If they're low, they might want to induce labor today," she remarked, pressing the paddle on my belly. Um, say WHAT?! Our crib hasn't arrived yet! I haven't hung up the nursery pictures or baby's mobile! I haven't written my birth plan! I have 10 outstanding deadlines! I'm only two weeks away of coming to term (read: it's normal and safe for baby to come at 37 weeks or after), so I gotta get my rear in gear.

What I'm surprised about: Last week, Erik and I went to go see The Jungle Book movie. It was so good, but the 3D tickets were $20 a pop. As I watched a family of four carrying popcorn file by, I remarked to Erik, "Geez, they must've spent more than $100 tonight!" As the words left my mouth, I realized how much I sounded like my darling but oh-so-cheap dad. Are we destined to turn into our own parents? Am I going to make my baby girl wear a winter jacket indoors because I refuse to turn on the heat? I have been thinking more about our long-term finances lately, because having a baby isn't cheap.

Oh, also! Baby is already 6 pounds, 4 ounces, measuring in the 77th percentile. The doc guesses that she'll be around 8 pounds at birth, which is healthy and above the average of 7 pounds, 5 ounces. I had assumed she'd be smaller, since Erik and I aren't giants. I'm just crossing every finger and toe that she'll be healthy and happy.

What I miss: I'm already feeling nostalgic our pre-baby freedom and trips. It's interesting, though. When I see my friends' spur-of-the-moment travels and adventures on my Insta feed, I don't think, "man, I wish I was doing that!" I definitely have this calm sense of being where I'm supposed to be in life. But it is bittersweet temporarily closing this chapter of hey-wanna-go-to-Sweden-this-weekend? until baby's bigger.

What I love: The other day, I read a mom describe being pregnant as feeling like the most important person in the world. It sounds so egomaniacal, but there is a sense of that, in the best possible way. As excited I am to get back to my normal body, I think I'm going to miss being pregnant. There is something so beautiful if sharing this experience with other women, and this intimate bond with my daughter. Also, it's nice to be able to blame everything on pregnancy hormones, including this lapse of sappiness.

pregnancy lately: 33 weeks

Lots going on in the baby front over here! I'm in full-on belly/waddle mode.

How I'm feeling: Good and energetic. Once a while, someone on the street will say, "any day now!" and I'll think "for what?" then realize that they're talking about my belly. Ha! Emotionally, I'm feeling prepared. We have most of the stuff we need to keep baby alive, and attended our childbirth class and hospital tour.

What I'm wanting: All the carbs. I got diagnosed with gestational diabetes two weeks ago (damn genetics!), so I have to prick my finger three times a day and stick to a pretty strict low-carb diet. On the plus side, I'm eating crazy healthy, so it's good for me and baby. But, as someone who rarely watches what she eats, it's a challenge to have food restrictions. It makes me realize how lucky I am not to have a food allergy or a propensity to obesity.

What I'm surprised about: The nonstop doctor's visits. They're scheduled in my calendar, but I don't think I fully realized how much I'd have to go to the doc. Factor in my sugar-betes specialist visits, and I've been averaging one to two trips a week. With travel and waiting room, that's a whole lot of time. I haven't let up on work pre-maternity leave, so it's been hectic. How do office workers manage? I can't imagine making this schedule work back when I was on staff.

What I miss: Little things, like tying my shoes and getting off the couch without a struggle. I feel like a upside-down bug much of the time. Also, a short to-do list. Everyone talks about pregnancy brain being caused by hormones, but I suspect having 1,000,000 more things to think about plays a factor. On top of my normal shiz, there's finding a pediatrician, remembering appointments, calling the health insurance company, buying baby gear, planning out a budget, writing a birth plan, etc. It's funny, though, because I don't feel stressed about it. Maybe the whole super-mom thing kicks in to offset pregnancy fog?

What I love: Augh, so much! I love connecting with dear friends about being moms and hearing their advice and stories. I love feeling baby's kicks inside, talking to her, and imaging her little face. I love hearing Erik talk about all the things he's planning on doing with our baby girl (cue tears). I love walking through this incredible phase of life with Erik, my brother and sis-in-law, and Erik's business parter. Don't get me wrong, parts of pregnancy do suck (my refrain to Erik: "you better be glad I'm the pregnant one"), but it's also filled with endless joy.

beach baby shower

The week that we move into our new apartment, I was feeling pretty shell-shocked. It had been the craziest cross-country move, and everything was starting to dawn on me. I was thousands of miles away from my friends and mom, starting over in a brand-new city. I was having a baby. Everything was changing. What was I doing?

That's when an invite popped into my email … for my baby shower. But I didn't know anyone in Los Angeles. I was confused. Finally, Erik explained that my friends were all going to fly in and host a California beach baby shower. I was so shocked! It's one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me, and I was over-the-moon excited to see everyone.



On the weekend, my brother and sis-in-law flew in, and then we all drove down to Sunset Beach. The girls had rented an amazing house a few blocks from the beach, complete with my dream kitchen and an elevator (!). It was the perfect weekend: We barbecued, laughed, and caught up. The girls got some surfs in, and we walked to the famous Huntington Pier. They also gave me the sweetest presents for baby girl.

I know this is going to be all sorts of cliched, but the biggest present of all was seeing all of their faces. I'm so touched, and beyond lucky to have such beautiful, strong, smart, and adventurous women in my life. Baby girl is going to learn so much from each of them!

my pregnancy must-haves

Now that I'm the home stretch of pregnancy, I thought I'd share all my pregnant-lady recommendations. The truth is that I've barely bought anything these past (almost!) eight months. In fact, my overall lifestyle hasn't changed dramatically — except that I stopped surfing and running in my second trimester and I need more sleep. That said, here are the things that I swear by:

1. Prenatal vitamins. Duh. I bought Nature's Made off of Amazon, plus some krill-oil omega-3's for baby's brain. I've also been loading up on chia and flax in my smoothies and yogurt.

2. What to Expect When You're Expecting. There's really nothing in this book that you can't find online, but it's been fun to read the week-by-week descriptions with Erik. Plus, buying it made me feel like I was being a responsible pregnant lady. Sure, I may be moving cross-country, homeless, and buried beneath deadlines, but, hey, I have a guidebook!

3. Maternity jeans. One of the perks of working from home is wearing leggings all day and not having to invest in maternity wardrobe. I wasn't a fan of those full-belly-panel jeans, so I bought a pair from J. Crew and have pretty much worn them every day since. I also got a similar pair of black skinnies from J Brand to wear to work events. Figure I can wear these post-baby (and tempted to wear them for the rest of my life, since, hello, stretchy waist).

4. Long tops. I have five of these Everlane tank tops in different colors because I love them so much. They're also one of the only shirts that I own that's long enough to stretch over my baby belly. I've mostly been wearing those and Erik's old shirts as a pajamas. I did buy a striped long-sleeve shirt and nursing top from ASOS, and should probably get some shorts soon.

5. Trader Joe's jojoba oil. I think stretch marks are mostly genetic. So far, I've been spared, but I still moisturize with this lightweight oil. I've been showering more often because the heat feels so nice on my muscles, so it's become my moisturizing best friend.

6. Workout DVDs. I got Hilaria Baldwin's yoga for moms-to-be off of a giveaway table at some point, and I've actually been using it! It was a little too slow for my taste during the first two trimesters, but now it's my speed. I also Denise Austin's prenatal cardio workout on YouTube, which is cheesy but gets the job done.

7. Prenatal (kind of) massage. During the second trimester, my back constantly ached; it was adjusting to the new weight of my belly and boobs. So I searched for a good pre-natal massage and learned that they often cost way more, which is annoying. Just for the pillow? In desperation, I went to my local Chinese place. Dude seemed as if he'd massaged pregnant ladies a billion times, and had me lie on my side instead of face-down. It was so good that I literally had tears in my eyes. So worth the $50.

pregnancy lately: 28 weeks

Hello, third trimester! I can't believe we're in the home stretch now. (Full disclosure: This pic is from the end of my 27th week, but you get the idea.)

How I'm feeling: Besides my huge belly, I'm feeling like my old self again. Erik and I have been running around Los Angeles, exploring our neighborhood and setting up our home, and I haven't missed a beat. I'm a little slower on my feet and get breathless when walking up stairs. One weird new development: My hands are really achy, almost arthritic-like, in the mornings. I think it's because I always wind up on my back during sleep, restricting circulation and causing swelling.

What I'm wanting: I've read that pregnant women have an innate desire to nest, but that was pushed to the back burner during our move crisis. Now that we're mostly settled, it's kicked in … and I'm on a mission to get baby gear. My rational brain knows that we still have a few months, and there's no need to get everything at once since newborns don't need much. But lately my emotional brain has won, which is why we went to the baby store yesterday. Doing my best to not succumb to marketing and the culture of consumerism, but it's tempting to fall into the "but I want my baby to be safe and happy, so I NEED this $200 electronic warmer thingie!" trap.

What I'm surprised about: The other day, I heard Erik saying, "ohhhh!" from the other room, while I was Googling baby gear. My immediate reaction: "Man, he's watching a music video while I'm doing all the research." I wandered over to his office, and caught him saying "ohhhh!" in reaction to a YouTube video of a V-blogger shutting a stroller with one hand. That man. I love him. (And a reminder that I should never jump to huffy or irrational conclusions.)

What I miss: Our new place is surrounded by so many delicious Japanese restaurants, and I've been so jealous of Erik's spicy salmon rolls and bowls. I also miss my friends, of course, which has got me thinking about making new neighborhood friends for the first time in forever. Should I join a mom's group?

What I love: A few of our dear friends/family are also pregnant/new parents. It's been so wonderful sharing updates and getting advice. Also loving: hearing my mom's joy; feeling baby's kicks inside; and watching Erik become the best dad already. It's also been fun getting congratulations and encouraging smiles from random strangers, now that I'm obviously pregnant.

At the start of this pregnancy, I thought it'd be an experience that I'd want to end as quickly as possible … but I'm actually enjoying this journey. As a tried-and-true tomboy, I've never felt more womanly. What a scary, exciting, and beyond special time … I can't wait to become a mom!

pregnancy lately: 25 weeks

Just finished up my 25th week of pregnancy… One more week left of my second trimester!

How I'm feeling: Pretty good! I'm still on the sluggish side, but I think that's because I've been trapped inside because of the constant snow and freezing weather. Also I've been going bananas getting ready for our move, which has been energy-draining to say the least. My belly's gotten big enough that it's in the way of things; I'm starting to swell like a water balloon; and people can tell that I'm pregnant. Still can't get a seat on the subway, though. For real, L train?

What I'm wanting: All the food; my appetite is in high gear. For the most part, I eat whenever I'm hungry, which is every two hours or so, but I try to stick with nutritious foods. (Well, except for that Minetta Tavern Black Label Burger and Junior's cheesecake … getting those last NYC treats in.) Lately, I'm all about acai smoothies, mangoes, red meat, and cheese. I gained 10 pounds last month (!), putting me at 15 pounds total. It's fun to be curvy for once!

What I'm surprised about: I have to do a double-take every time I pass by a mirror. My belly button is starting to poke outwards. It's amazing what the body can do. I'm pleased how I'm taking things in stride. Because of our move, we've done almost nothing to prep for baby, except for sign up for a childbirth class. Normally, I'd be in a tizzy, but it's not really bothering me at all. I figure we'll get it all done once we get settled in Los Angeles.

What I miss: Starting to get separation anxiety about leaving my dear friends in NYC. Also I've been dying for Chipotle, but Erik is so nervous about E. coli that I haven't been eating it. That didn't stop me from staring longingly in the window like a creeper for a good few minutes. Ha.

What I love: Being pregnant is an amazing experience. I didn't think I'd feel this way, but I'm constantly in awe and so proud that I'm CARRYING ANOTHER PERSON. I'm grateful for this opportunity, especially knowing how hard other couples have it when it comes to conceiving. To hear her heartbeat and feel her kicks in my belly … it's indescribable! Sometimes I feel like my heart is going to burst, and she's not even born yet.

meeting grandpa

Today I took baby to meet her gong gong. I miss him more than ever, because I know he'd be over the moon about being a grandpa. He always lit up around kids, especially babies. When she gets older, I'll tell her all about my dad and how he was the most selfless, kind, hard-working, and devoted dad. It's because of him that I waited to find a man for myself with all those qualities.

And it's because of him that I know I'll love my daughter unconditionally. I hope I'm at least half the parent as he was to me. Love you always, Babi. xo

freelance life: maternity leave

When it comes to freelancing, there are countless benefits: the freedom, home office, a cute furry coworker, flexible vacation days. I've been so thankful that I can take a nap in the middle of the day. (Seriously, pregnant office workers, how do you do it?)

Unfortunately, paid maternity leave is not one of the perks.

Figuring out maternity leave as a freelancer isn't easy. I worry that if I drop out of the market, editors will forget about me, and I'll never work again. Of course, that's catastrophic, but there is an element of truth to it. Plus, I love my career and don't want to give up my salary.

So here's our plan: I'm taking two complete months off after baby's birth. Since I'm on contract at a few places, I notified those editors in advance, and offered a few strategies (finding a fill-in person or shuffling around the deadlines). They were all lovely and accommodating. In August, I'll come back part time to those editing gigs — and then feel out what I can do with my other piecemeal work. Since Erik is planning on working from home until he finds an office space, I figure I'll be able to carve out at least two days worth of work per week, broken into chunks. But I'm keeping an open mind, because who knows what reality will be like; at some point, I imagine we'll find part-time childcare.

In the meantime, I've been front-loading this year. In other words, I'm meeting deadlines like mad. It works out, since I'm mostly home-bound this winter anyways. I've made enough headway into my year-end goal to feel comfortable about the unexpected post-baby.

All in all, I feel like it's a good deal. I'm stoked that we have the flexibility to stay home with our little one and still pursue our career dreams and ambitions.

our little thumb sucker

On Friday, Erik and I went for our 20-week anatomy scan. Our little girl is healthy and absolutely perfect. It was magical to see how much she's grown. We could see each tiny finger and toe, and she even did some drinking and thumb-sucking. We were in awe! Some stats: She's seven ounces and in the 77 percentile, and I've gained a total of nine pounds. I can even feel her kicks now, usually in the evening and morning; it's like the lightest tickle-tap from inside my belly. That sensation is one of the very best things I've ever felt in my whole life. It's funny how something so natural can seem like such a miraculous feat. As Drake would say, what a time to be alive!

pregnancy lately: 17 weeks

This pic is actually from two weeks ago, and my belly's grown a bunch since then! Thought I'd do a little round-up of how I've been feeling lately for posterity's sake:

How I'm feeling: At 15 weeks, I had a surge of energy and thought I had made it out of the first-trimester fatigue…but nope! Figured out that baby #chinolatinomarino grows in spurts. Every so often, I'll get completely wiped out with overwhelming exhaustion, insatiable hunger, and a pounding headache for a day or two. When I re-emerge from the fog, my belly is noticeably bigger. Crazy. Also still logging a solid 10 hours of sleep a night, although I really need those two extra hours for work.

What I'm wanting: Eating smaller meals more frequently. I can't stop, won't stop with cheese and crackers paired with a fruit juice spritzer.

What I'm surprised about: It's been fun to join the parenting club! It's like I've learned a secret handshake; suddenly, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers notice my belly and want to commiserate on pregnancy and parenting. On New Year's Eve, one of Erik's homies pulled me aside and (drunkenly) waxed on about having that "next-level love" for his daughters. I laughed, but it was so sweet and touching.

Also, what is UP with all these weird pregnancy symptoms? They warn you about the nausea and sore boobs, but hello, ache in my knee. Also, my guidebook tells me that I might experience vision loss, bleeding gums, and constipation?!

What I miss: Exercise; it's such a big part of my life. I've been walking a bunch and doing pre-natal yoga and workout videos, but I miss a good sweaty run or four-hour surf. Also, I'm dying for a glass of wine (or three).

What I love: Talking about the future with Erik, who is the absolute best. Beyond grateful to have him as my life partner.

first trimester recap

You guys! We made it out of the first trimester. I'm breathing a huge sigh of relief. No one really tells you this, but the first 13 weeks are wrought with is-the-baby-gonna-make-it anxiety. Since I'm old and my pregnancy is classified as higher-risk, it's easy to fall down the Google rabbit hole of miscarriage and disease statistics. So I walked this weird line of feeling thrilled, but not too thrilled, just in case. It didn't help that I was a swirl of pregnancy hormones and felt painful growing cramps, which put me in a mild panic. In a nutshell, the first trimester was CRAZY, YO. Here are some things that I experienced…

1. Extreme exhaustion. Two things happened the week we found out we were pregnant: (a) We left for a 12-day trip to Cuba. (b) My mom fell, broke her hip, and had to go to the hospital. So I pretty much white-knuckled life the first two months, flying back and forth to NC while juggling work and doctor's appointments. I powered through, but it wasn't pretty. The pregnancy exhaustion was overwhelming; I was (and still am) averaging around 9 to 11 hours of sleep a night, often with a nap in the afternoon. I'm still accepting that I'm can't keep up with my jam-packed life.

2. An emotional roller coaster. For me, pregnancy is filled with highs and lows: Fear. Elation. Nervousness. Feeling overwhelmed. Pride. Happiness. Love. It's also insane that you're not encouraged to share the news during the first trimester. I wound up telling a handful of people early on, those I'd turn to if something did go wrong, and my surf friends, in case something happened in the water. But it was weird trying to hide something so monumental; I'm the worst liar so I'm sure I acted sketchy.

3. Hunger. I've only experienced a few bouts of nausea (thank heavens), but my hunger is out of control. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, starving. No real cravings, but my tastes have changed. Veggies aren't appealing, but I could eat crackers and cheese for every meal. I've been having green smoothies and broccoli-cheddar soup with crackers as a compromise.

4. Heavy talks. I'm so, so thankful that Erik is the best husband, friend, partner, and dad-to-be. Because there's so much you have to decide, like what to do if the genetic tests came back positive. Would we be up for raising a special needs child for the rest of our lives, or would we abort? It's such a difficult topic, and I couldn't imagine having that conversation with anyone other than Erik.

5. A loss of control. One of the weirdest things of pregnancy is no longer really knowing your body. I mean, I spent 36 (now 37!) years learning what it did, how it reacted, etc. Then, suddenly, one day, it starts doing all these bizarre things, like feeling famished, crampy, or exhausted outta nowhere.

6. Excitement! Despite trying to temper my emotions, the whole thing is thrilling. Seeing the baby develop right before our eyes and watching Erik be so loving is more than I could have ever hoped for. I've never been one of those maternal types who couldn't wait for kids, so I was a nervous about how I'd react…would I feel resentful about the things I'd have to give up? To my surprise, it's been pretty easy passing on things, like some work projects and my favorite girls' surf trip. Instead dwelling on what I'm missing, I can't stop thinking about all the love and fun that's ahead. Plus, pregnancy's temporary, and I have my whole life to do all the things I still want to do…with my daughter by my side!