first trimester recap

You guys! We made it out of the first trimester. I'm breathing a huge sigh of relief. No one really tells you this, but the first 13 weeks are wrought with is-the-baby-gonna-make-it anxiety. Since I'm old and my pregnancy is classified as higher-risk, it's easy to fall down the Google rabbit hole of miscarriage and disease statistics. So I walked this weird line of feeling thrilled, but not too thrilled, just in case. It didn't help that I was a swirl of pregnancy hormones and felt painful growing cramps, which put me in a mild panic. In a nutshell, the first trimester was CRAZY, YO. Here are some things that I experienced…

1. Extreme exhaustion. Two things happened the week we found out we were pregnant: (a) We left for a 12-day trip to Cuba. (b) My mom fell, broke her hip, and had to go to the hospital. So I pretty much white-knuckled life the first two months, flying back and forth to NC while juggling work and doctor's appointments. I powered through, but it wasn't pretty. The pregnancy exhaustion was overwhelming; I was (and still am) averaging around 9 to 11 hours of sleep a night, often with a nap in the afternoon. I'm still accepting that I'm can't keep up with my jam-packed life.

2. An emotional roller coaster. For me, pregnancy is filled with highs and lows: Fear. Elation. Nervousness. Feeling overwhelmed. Pride. Happiness. Love. It's also insane that you're not encouraged to share the news during the first trimester. I wound up telling a handful of people early on, those I'd turn to if something did go wrong, and my surf friends, in case something happened in the water. But it was weird trying to hide something so monumental; I'm the worst liar so I'm sure I acted sketchy.

3. Hunger. I've only experienced a few bouts of nausea (thank heavens), but my hunger is out of control. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, starving. No real cravings, but my tastes have changed. Veggies aren't appealing, but I could eat crackers and cheese for every meal. I've been having green smoothies and broccoli-cheddar soup with crackers as a compromise.

4. Heavy talks. I'm so, so thankful that Erik is the best husband, friend, partner, and dad-to-be. Because there's so much you have to decide, like what to do if the genetic tests came back positive. Would we be up for raising a special needs child for the rest of our lives, or would we abort? It's such a difficult topic, and I couldn't imagine having that conversation with anyone other than Erik.

5. A loss of control. One of the weirdest things of pregnancy is no longer really knowing your body. I mean, I spent 36 (now 37!) years learning what it did, how it reacted, etc. Then, suddenly, one day, it starts doing all these bizarre things, like feeling famished, crampy, or exhausted outta nowhere.

6. Excitement! Despite trying to temper my emotions, the whole thing is thrilling. Seeing the baby develop right before our eyes and watching Erik be so loving is more than I could have ever hoped for. I've never been one of those maternal types who couldn't wait for kids, so I was a nervous about how I'd react…would I feel resentful about the things I'd have to give up? To my surprise, it's been pretty easy passing on things, like some work projects and my favorite girls' surf trip. Instead dwelling on what I'm missing, I can't stop thinking about all the love and fun that's ahead. Plus, pregnancy's temporary, and I have my whole life to do all the things I still want to do…with my daughter by my side!